Dear Mom Starting to Homeschool Kindergarten

I’m on a few homeschooling groups on Facebook.  I see this common theme over and over in each and every one of these groups.  It starts by stating that their child is 5 years old, they are just starting kindergarten, their child is resisting seated work, or reading isn’t clicking, they can’t spell at all, or they are fighting all the time.  They are weeks into homeschooling, their families are watching and critiquing, they want to do this right.  They feel like they are failing.

Oh dear mamas.  Take a breath.  Pour yourself some tea.  Let’s have a chat.

I know you have pressure from relatives to make education formal and school-like.

I know you are trying to kill all the birds with one stone.

I know you are researching where your child should be, researching state standards, worried you are failing before you’ve even started, and calling yourself crazy every step of the way.

But deep, deep down, you’re doing this because you feel called.  You are aware of your weaknesses, and you’re scare you won’t live up to your calling.  I know.  I’ve been there.

Consider these words:

1) What you are doing is hard, but it’s important.  I know you know this.  But I want this to sink in: it’s supposed to be hard.  Hard doesn’t mean you are doing it wrong.  Sometimes it means everything is right.  You are at the front lines of a spiritual battle.  I’m going to be honest.  Satan will do everything that he can to discourage you.  You will get a flood of lies daily that you have to fight off with truth.  You will get exhausted if you fight all the battles.  God does not intend you to fight every battle that comes your way.  This will require wisdom.

Wisdom of when to push your kids and when to pull back and watch what happens is paramount.  That is goal #1.  You need wisdom, and the only way for this to happen is to ask God.  Ground yourself in Scripture and prayer, daily.  Since this is the #1 most important thing for you to get done each day, expect it to be the #1 goal for the Evil One to foil.  Seriously, if you have to choose between you getting your time with God or your child learning spelling that day, choose the time with God.  There is no subject in your school that should stand in the way from you getting your daily fill of wisdom from God.

2) Your child is designed to learn.  I know it doesn’t feel like that right now, but consider all your child has learned so far.  Could you have stopped them from learning how to roll over as a baby?  Could you stop them from climbing?  Do you do language drills to get him talking?  I remember pushing my first child to walk, but with all other children, I put on slippery pajamas on them all day so they wouldn’t crawl so stinkin’ early.  Good luck trying to get your child to NOT learn something.  They will memorize t.v. commercials without coaching, they will study their baby food without your training.  Yes, there are times when you see your child isn’t walking, and it’s time to bring in some specialists.  But when your child is 10 months old and they’re not walking, don’t lose sleep.  It’ll happen.  Your child’s brain is a sponge.

They may not be learning what is on your agenda that day but they are learning.  Work with their brains; don’t force it.  This will take a lot of reading your child’s signals.  One of the beauties of homeschooling is to be able to customize their schooling, but sometimes when we do exactly that the world tells us we are coping out.

The same goes for reading, and school readiness.  Do you know the range of my kids reading?  My earliest reader was just before she turned 4, and my latest reader was around age 8.  Both age 3 and age 8 are normal.  My child who learned to read at 8 is not any stupider than my child who learned to read at age 3.  In fact, each of them have their areas of genius.  All of us do.  There’s not much you can do about it.  It’s their design.

Consider several countries that consistently outscore the US in education don’t start school until age 7.  Also consider that even compulsory school laws here in the US start at age 7.  That is because the science firmly points to the fact that not all kids are ready before then.  Science also says that kids learn best at this age through play.  Occupational therapists dealing with kids with IEPs in school are shouting this from the rooftops, on deaf ears of the politicians.  Educators are angry about things like the push for Common Core because it does not follow the science they know.  Their brains need play.  If you are letting them play, you are ahead of the game.

What you CAN do is create an environment where learning is constantly happening.  Turn off those screens.  Bring out books.  Have educational toys.  Replace entertainment-only toys for toys requiring building and imagination.  Bring them alongside all your chores, cooking, cleaning, and train them.  Have them shadow you.  If they can’t sit down and do a worksheet, then put the worksheet away and do some other learning activity.  This isn’t giving up, or giving in.  It’s moving forward out of being stuck.

The problem isn’t that your child can’t learn, it’s that he can’t learn on demand yet, or learn like a 10 year old.  Make it easy on yourself.  Focus on making the home a delightful place for their brain to wander.

3) The longer I homeschool, the more I believe that character training is more important than academic training, and should take a priority.  The reason for this, is the character training will pay huge dividends of making academic training a piece of cake.  Character training is the foundation to all other learning.  Teach them about God.  Teach them about kindness.  Train them to love, and show them what that looks like.

Pause a moment and consider if you would rather have a child who grows up to love the Lord and love his neighbor, and lives by grace, or would you rather have your child be a top notch surgeon or lawyer who holds no regard for human life, and whose personal life is falling apart?  You don’t have to pick between whether or not your child will have a good spiritual life or academic life.  But you do have to prioritize.  You do not need to smash a lifetime of learning into their kindergarten year.

Character Training

Character training, teaching them to bring their cares to Jesus will have a more profound impact on their lives and on the world than any other school subject.  Therefore, consider Satan to set his sights on making this a low priority in your homeschool as well.  Expect your feelings to be manipulated in this area.  Expect a lot of false guilt for not getting math done, because you had to have a heart to heart with your child that lasted forever training him not to hit his sister.

Expect the lie that this isn’t what you are supposed to be doing, or that you shouldn’t have to do it.  Because that’s what Satan does.  He lies.

The truth is that training them to follow God’s ways is exactly what you should be doing.  Training them not to hit, scream, disobey is exactly what you should be doing.  When this foundation is there, teaching school a few years down the road will be much smoother.  Their hearts will be turned to following God, and their curiosity about his world will be intense.

Academics is frosting the first few years of school.  Still keep in on your calendar.  If your child loves it, then great!  Do it!  Try to get it done each day.  But know your battles, and know the lies that will constantly be thrown your way.  Write down on a piece of paper what your goals are for that day, when it comes to training and discipling the hearts of your child, and tape it up in your kitchen.  Look at it often, and don’t be baited into every battle with your kids that will be thrown your way.

You are living in a sacred space, with these children of yours.  These souls under your care?  God cares so deeply for them.  Delight in their ideas, pull them on your lap, and tell them stories.  Foster their imagination, their creativity, and keep feeding them the academics watching them closely on if they’re full for the day or need some more.  Their brains are wired to hunger for knowledge like their stomachs are wired to crave food.  Lean hard on wisdom on the Lord for this push/pull issue.

Take a breath.  Lean on Him.  Keep speaking truth to yourself, and guard yourself from lies.  What you are doing is important.  Pray for wisdom to see the truth from the lies.  Forget everyone else’s standards.  Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.  Satan will tell you that isn’t enough.  He’s wrong.  Jesus will not lead you astray.  He will not leave something important out.  Fix your eyes there.  Dig into the Word, beg for wisdom in prayer.  Rest in God’s faithfulness.

Fresh Air


By some fluke of nature, Knut was able to be “home” on Saturday.  I’m not sure which stars aligned to make that happen, but it was nice.  Well, to be honest, he wasn’t inside the home.  He was doing chores pretty much all day.  That’s what farmers do on their days off.  They do all the “hobby farm” things that their family is doing on the property.  We got the sheep a month or two ago, and while we’ve been keeping doors open so that they can have fresh air, what we really wanted for them was their own patch of our pasture.  That required fencing, and skills beyond what my disabled back can handle.


We were limited on how much fencing we could afford, but this is a starting point.  You have to start somewhere, right?  Knut is still nervous that we have no idea how to care for sheep.  He’s correct, actually.  He’s been reading vet books, and farming books.  Once he got the fence up, he decided to let them have access in increasing increments so their stomach doesn’t explode, which I guess can happen.


I don’t know how to keep their wool clean yet either.  We were commenting as we looked at them enjoy the alfalfa that dirt doesn’t slip off their wool like it used to with Missy.  Missy could be covered in mud one minute, and the next minute it all slipped off her fur because of her skin oils.


Oh Missy.  We need you now, with sheep in the pasture.  I can’t skip the explanation of how much more we miss her now the sheep are outdoors.  Discussions of getting another Great Pyrenees has been frequent in our home.  They don’t exactly come a dime a dozen, and are quite tricky to even track down.  I think that this close to the cold winter months, we will wait until spring to get another.  Looking at the sheep, I’m just aching for the loss, though.  She would have loved this.  She should be here.

Going back to my point, though, I don’t know how to keep wool clean.  The mud on them is from the farm we got them from.  They have had only fresh hay in the barn, and no access to mud.


I’m loving watching them outside.  They are so timid.  They run easily.  They are really funny looking, if you stare at them long enough.

They just eat.  They really don’t do much.  Sure, they give wool and meat, but neither of those do they give willingly or with action on their part.  Most animals on the farm have a purpose.  Cats chase mice and rats and keep their population under control.  Missy would guard and watch these sheep with a master level precision.  Lena is a companion, longing for attention, and would be a great hunting dog if we ever had the time for hunting.  Chickens lay eggs, but also control the tick and bug population in the yard.  All the other animals give to the farm with action and thought, even if it’s just instinct.


Sheep just eat.  Eat and run.  Eat and run.  When one wants to get a really smart animal, they usually don’t start with a sheep.  That seems to be the sum up of their instincts.  In fact, the first thing they did when they got to the pasture was run to the fence, and strain their necks through the holes to get to the alfalfa on the other side, as they were standing leg deep in the same alfalfa.  They only moved away from the fence because Lena was barking at them.  Lena is not a good sheep dog.

IMG_4077She loves to tease the other animals.  She’s like this older sibling that messes up their hair because she thinks it’s funny.  You should see Lena tease the cats.  It’s hilarious.  The cats tease the turkeys mercilessly, as turkeys are much dumber than chickens.  So I guess it’s just the circle of life.


(Rabbit trail thought: is it just me, or does the color of their wool look like a beautiful un-dyed stranded sweater just waiting to happen?)

They look scared pretty much all the time.  (Even when Lena isn’t there.) They do not trust easily.  That’s probably because they have no defense mechanism.  Their only defense is running, and huddling together.

And the Bible continually refers to us as sheep.  Just a thought.



We go to a small church.  That’s one of the reasons we love it.  Our kids run around while we get to talk with other adults in-between Sunday School and the worship service.  We can stand in a certain location, where we can see the basic exits, and let the kids just play around with their friends.  They know everyone.  It’s very much a family community.

But sometimes we lose them.

We’ve never really lost them.  It’s more like they are scattered and can be found in their usual places, which are multiple.  We just have to hunt them down right before the service so that we can all sit together.  Ingrid normally likes to be in the nursery, but sometimes she sits with us for a bit.  Yesterday I had located all 4 of the older kids, and just wanted to peek in the nursery to see if Ingrid was playing in there already, or if she wanted to come to church with us.  The nursery workers said they saw her sitting with her grandpa in the service already.  Knut’s parents go to our church too, and this is not uncommon.

I didn’t really hear the nursery workers well, though, because they didn’t say “her grandpa” they actually said “a grandpa.”

So there was this older gentleman sitting in front of us, with plastic tubes running underneath is nose helping him breathe, who was visiting his daughter and her family that Sunday, and Ingrid was just sitting in his lap.

Well, they were actually coloring together.  The service had started and announcements were being read, and Ingrid and this adopted grandpa were just coloring together.  Knut and I sat behind them.  Every few minutes, she would look up into his eyes, and make a silly face, and he would make a silly face back to her, and they would share a giggle, and go back to their coloring.

I’m not sure which of them looked happier.

That is my little, happy story to share with you all this morning.  There are friends found in unexpected places.

That’s a really short post for me, isn’t it.  I’m just lingering in the picture of the two of them.  Linger with me.  This is the church.




P.S. Totally unrelated to the above post, (I couldn’t end it without one random thought) I’m trying to improve my public speaking a bit.  I’m sharing a longer version of my “testimony” on Periscope tonight at 8pm Central time.  Basically, I will tell the story of how on earth a city girl in Denver ended up living out here on the farm.  A testimony is basically a witness account of God’s work in one’s life.  My handle there is @garonnevik if you’d like to come say hi.  It will be very casual.  If you can’t make it be sure to come see the replay.

Fresh Start

We officially started our new school year this week.  I delayed starting school this year so I could focus on my busy garden season without any guilt.  Do you want to know how many jars of delicious garden food I got canned during this last month?


So I didn’t really work in my garden like I said I would.  A lot of tomatoes went bad in there.  The strawberries didn’t get transplanted like they were supposed to, and I will reap the consequences of that next summer.  While being all talk and no action isn’t anything to be proud of, I’m trying not to be too hard on myself because I normally burn out this time of year, and I burned out later than I usually do.  People seem to think I’m this great gardener, but I’m of the belief that a truly great gardener doesn’t burn out at the end of the year.  I see neighbors get their garden beds all cleaned and prepped for winter.  Produce is packed up, and stored.  I think it’s the little bit of “city” left in me where I just sit down and say, “I just don’t care.  I can buy that at the store.”  A born and bred country girl wouldn’t say such blasphemes.


However, we’ve had one of the best starts to a new school year that we’ve ever had.  I’m not sure if it’s because David is doing so much better, or after years of trying out methods, or I’ve finally got my finger on a method that’s working for us, or it could be because I’m trying to focus myself to do school well with the kids, and not get distracted by all my pet projects.  I’ve been convicted more and more that if I want to do this homeschooling well, it will require more sacrifice.  Before I knew that it required sacrifice and I was dragging my feet about it.  This year I just feel inspired.  It’s more like a battle charge.  My passion for other things is dwindling, and I thank God for that.


Of course, over the weekend, I looked at our schedule and realized I had picked about the worst week possible to start a school year because of the various outside activities our family is involved in.  Every other week Silje’s orchestra at the public school is more invasive to our schedule than the other week.  This was the invasive week.  (When it’s on Tuesdays and Thursdays it causes trouble, but when it’s on a Wednesday or Friday it’s not so bad.)  Also, choir started for Silje and Elias.  Also I had a doctor’s appointment, which was just routine, all morning in the city on Wednesday.  I’m surprised we got any school done at all actually.

But we did.  It was a victory this week.

It’s also been rough, because I’ve struggled through 2 days of migraines, and so 2 of those days I was pretty medicated.  My oils weren’t even touching these headaches, which usually means bad things around here.

The big thing that I’ve been pushing this year is our 8:30 start time.  I have learned that our family does better with routines more than schedules.  Homeschool is rarely the place for bells.  I’m sticking my foot down on that start time, though.  My kids have constantly been pushing against it the last 2 years, and even though I say we’ll start at 8:30, last year my kids would slowly finish up their chores around 10am, and then protest that they couldn’t possibly start school, it was snack time.

IMG_4067My new method of having a morning hour with them from 8:30-9:30 has been working really well.  Only 1 day were they not ready at 8:30, and I started the morning hour anyway.  They just had to drop their chores, and join, trying to catch up later.  I’ve brought out my guitar, and have started teaching them some of the old hymns, have our devotions, read more of our Shakespeare, and then we work on a lot of the more tedious memorization, Greek, and grammar together.  We haven’t made it to  the Greek and grammar every morning, but I’m sure the kids will live.

The kids are loving our Shakespeare unit.  Obsessively loving it.    I want to thank the book How to Teach Your Children Shakespeare book for that.  It’s not written by an educator, but just a dad who happens to be a renown Shakespeare director, and his method of teaching his own children a love for Shakespeare.  The first play we are doing in this unit is A Midsummer’s Night Dream.  It’s hilarious.

Actually, the reading this year has been a home run this week, and I’m so excited about that.  For instance, for our morning tea time, I do a book directed to the little kids, but that us big kids will enjoy as well.  This year we are reading The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane.  We have done other books by this author, and this one does not disappoint either.  We stop what we are doing at 10am, and the kids get a little snack, a cup of tea with milk and sugar, and I read out loud to them.  They’ve been loving this book so much, we often read 2 chapters.

For our evening read aloud, (directed to the older kids after the little kids are in bed) is Little Britches.  I’ve been trying to get David to go through an audio recording of this book this summer, but he is still very suspicious of new books.  Silje has learned that any book I have chosen is 99% a winner and she grabs them eagerly from my hands.  David still looks at me as though it is a trick when I hand him a book.  I’ve given him 3 winners in a row this summer (books he read multiple times because he loved them so much) so I have to be building some trust.  I will win him over.  Just give him time.

At any rate, we have our share of struggles.  When we have a great school week, I’m just going to celebrate that while I can!  I have put a higher priority on my time in prayer each morning before school. That was not a constant before, and likely won’t be going forward because…life.  But I have realized that I need this time more than I need coffee.  I need that time getting encouragement from the Word, and just begging God for patience, and the wisdom to know when to push and when to let go.  The more I go on this journey to spend daily time with God, the more I see that the key isn’t in my alarm clock, or in having the time.  The key is recognizing my desperate need.  When I’m honest about how much I need it, it just happens.  My hands are reaching for my Bible with the impatience that it reaches for my mug.  That’s why it’s happening.


Our house reflects the fact that we’ve had a crazy busy week.  But if I waited for perfection to have joy, then I would never have it at all.  I’m learning what to push, and what to let go.  Sometimes wisdom looks like a messy house.