Monday, September 12, 2011
It's been a somber past week. Very recently a high school friend of ours lost one of her babies. Her son was just a hair younger than Solveig and he had some health issues since before he was born. She has other children at home, and thinking of what it would be like to lose one of my children as well as be there for my other children as they grieve the loss of their sibling...can one describe the feeling? I keep thinking of what people have said about dealing with such painful losses like that, and that is that God's grace is poured out abundantly. Yes, it hurts very deeply. We wonder how they manage. We forget that we don't understand their strength because God is giving them the portion of grace they need, and that is something else we cannot fathom.
Add to that all the memories of 9/11 as they were all brought up again yesterday...I guess I'm saying that I've been hugging my family a lot lately. The snuggles have been a little longer.
The question brought up all the time is "why them?" Why did my friend's son have to die, and all of my children are healthy? Why do some people endure suffering, and others do not? Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'll be honest that occasionally, my mind goes there. Quite a bit more often, though, I wonder why good things happen at all. That is the question I never hear asked in the media.
Besides my early miscarriage, all of my children are healthy, beautiful, and happy (most of the time.)
The fields are quickly changing colors and harvest is just around the corner. It's an exciting time. As we prepare for the event of harvest, I think of other places where they can't seem to scrape a crop from the dirt. Why are we so blessed?
Knut's younger cousin just had her 2nd baby. During the whole pregnancy she was dealing with her husband having (from what I can tell) an aggressive cancer. He recently finished his first round of chemo. This week, on the day they brought their little girl home from the hospital, they got a phone call that his scans did not detect any cancer in his body. None. He's been at the top of our prayer list for awhile. It's amazing news.
I was shocked really, that their news was so good. It's the kind of news you sit down for. Why in the world would we be shocked that God heals? That God answers prayers? Is my faith so little that I'm surprised when something amazing like that happens?
Perhaps. Maybe even: most likely. I am not one who believes that love is something someone deserves. That's an awful thing to say. I want everyone to have love, and be loved. I'm all for love.
To put it plainly, I'm baffled by love. I'm baffled by grace. I understand the theology of it. If anything, understanding it more just puts me more in awe. We are so undeserving. I spend late hours shaking my head in wonderment that good things happen. Am I that much a pessimist? Maybe.
I do know I may never understand the depths of God's love. That information does not squeeze itself into my brain. The infinite does not fit into my finite thoughts.
Thank you, Jesus, for healing B. Thank you for their little girl.
Thank you for sending comfort to K and R and their little ones as they mourn the loss of their son/brother.
Thank you for all the ways you continue to move in this country that seems to turn its back on your name. Your name was spoken and prayed so freely 10 years ago. We remember the tragedy, and forget the source of all healing. Yet you still allow us to be one of the most blessed nations on earth.
Thank you for my family that I do not deserve.
Thank you for love.
I am blessed.
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