Saturday, January 28, 2012

Midnight Musings

I didn't get my weekly homeschooling post done Friday.  Sorry about that.  There are so many thoughts that have been running through my brain.  Well, it feels like so many thoughts because the thoughts are never allowed to finish, therefore you have to start them all over again, or remember where you left off.

Solveig's getting big.  Will she be my last?  Some days, well...many days my kids have me climbing the walls beginning right around 4:30-5:00pm.  In other words, things start falling apart right when Knut gets home.  Then he tries to get them out of my hair as I try to pull together supper or set the table.  Then we eat supper while constantly telling David to sit in his chair, and Silje to pull her hair out of her food, and telling Solveig to sit down.  (That girl is a little magician with the high chair.  Most evenings it's just less effort to just let her eat in our lap.)

The good days are when naps go as planned, and supper is something prepped already from the freezer and I can sit and do crafts with the kids and when Knut gets home we all sit in the living room and read books after supper with the kitchen clean before they go to bed.  Those days aren't often enough.  I think I need to put more meals in the freezer again.  I'm a bit low.

Ironically enough, I felt the same way with 1 kid.  I felt overwhelmed starting the same time of the day.  I just wanted my space, I just wanted a moment to think...some things never change.  Would 1 more really make life more difficult?  It's my weaning-my-baby train of thought.  There is no rush.

Well, things actually change right around midnight.  The house is quiet and you check on all the kids and they are sleeping so peacefully.  You have many moments to think and type in front of the computer and one of the kids comes down from bed at midnight and says a sleepy: "Good Morning, Mommy."
"Honey, it's not morning.  It's still night."
"Oh.  Do I have to go back to bed?"
"Yep."
"Can I get a hug first?"
"Of course."
And then their hug fills your joy bucket to the brim and instead of craving your skin to yourself and just to be left alone... something switches.  You just want to hold that child as long as you can because you know in the morning he will be bigger.  The frustration of the day is forgotten and your house is full of sleeping treasures.

Night is such a gift.  That's probably why I can't sleep sometimes.  I just love wandering around my house when it's quiet.

I have a kitchen remodel I'm sorting out in my head.  It won't be for awhile yet, but I think I've realized that an island won't fit well.  We'll have to stick with a peninsula.  Except I want to get rid of the cabinets over the peninsula and widen it.  When the time comes everything will be gutted from our kitchen, but the end result will probably be a wide peninsula with no overhead cupboards in that spot.

At night you can eat cookies and you don't have to share.  You don't even have to eat them over the stove with your back turned to everyone.  You can sit down. 

Our pastor's wife fell today (actually, I think it's yesterday now).  I'm thinking of her now as she's in the hospital.  She has MS and has been down such a road the last few years.  She had a bad fall today(yesterday) requiring surgery.  I really haven't been updated all that much, but just enough to sit and pray.  Just 2 days ago she called me and we talked for almost half an hour.  I told her I couldn't commit to the ladies Bible study because I've haven't been able to make that work with homeschooling and something just had to give.  She totally understood and we chatted with such ease.  She never covers her struggles, has such an open heart, and clings to the Lord sometimes with such desperation.  It's what I love so much about her.  She said she really wanted to get together with me for coffee some time soon.  I told her I would love that.

Part of me wonders if I should bring her some good coffee in the hospital and have our visit.  Surgery was just today (yesterday), and I'm sure she's not up for that.  I'll just pray that God's Holy Spirit would just hold her heart tonight, and these coming days...weeks...months.  Lord give her strength.

When I've been praying for her throughout today, the same phrase keeps going through my head: "The joy of the Lord is my strength."  Sometimes I hear Twila Paris' voice sing it and it was stuck in my head for awhile.  I pray that the joy of the Lord be her strength and that she does not get discouraged.

I should go to bed.  Knut will get up with the kids tomorrow, but it's not like I've got the day off.  We're going to take down our Christmas decorations.  Then maybe I'll work on sending out our Christmas letter.  I haven't quite gotten to that.  Well, the letter is written but the pictures aren't printed, and nothing is addressed or stamped.  I wonder if I should skip it this year.  I've wondered if I should just send out "Family Valentines" instead.  Then I'd actually be ahead.

I think I need to buy another Russian novel for nights like these.  Knut and I have a date planned for Sunday.  Maybe after supper we can stop by a bookstore and I'll pick up The Brothers Karamazov.  That one has been on my list for awhile and all the books I have right now are too interesting and just wake me up more.

2 comments:

Mom said...

Gretchen, you have such an amazing way of sharing thoughts that go through many of our minds, in some form or another. We all need our down time or we can't process all the things that are happening in our lives and we'll just explode. I'm really glad you treasure each moment with your kids. I don't know why it happens that they grow up so fast. It seems our lives as mothers are grouped in blocks of extreme intensity for a few years, where so much happens so fast that it's hard to absorb it all, and then suddenly, they're all grown up! Those few moments to reflect during the crazy busy years are precious, aren't they?

Pam said...

Well, "mom" you also captured just what I feel is always my life. Don't know why all the craziness is always bunched up together...maybe bc we can handle it and we just don't know it!